


Rebirth

by PatchworkIdeas



Series: GatheringFiKi's 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [4]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: (mostly at the beginning), Adult Runaway, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, And just to be safe:, Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Though he's leaving behind the life that caused them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28073898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas
Summary: Fili is sick of his life. Maybe a better one is waiting out there for him. Somewhere.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Series: GatheringFiKi's 12 Days of Christmas 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054739
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17
Collections: GatheringFiKi - 12 Days Of Christmas 2020





	Rebirth

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by GatheringFiKi's gorgeous Photoset!
> 
> Shown here with permission, and the original post can be found on [Tumblr.](https://gatheringfiki.tumblr.com/post/637501547039817728/12-days-of-christmas-2020-day-2-bonus-fullsize)

* * *

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”

That's what Fili remembered from the city. Neon lights and misery. Was he looking for what he loved? Is that why he had left everything behind and just taken the next bus anywhere?

He didn’t know anymore, but the urge to run, to leave, to escape a life that had become unbearable had been growing stronger everyday, and he was sick of fighting it.  
He couldn’t change if he stayed. His life was written by a pen not his own, his uncle’s influence haunting him even into adulthood, and he couldn't stand it any more.

Perhaps he would find something to love, or just something that would kill him.

The latter seemed more likely out here to be honest. He hadn’t wanted to leave any clues behind to find him with, so he hadn’t looked at maps, or where he was going. Just away. Far, far away.

And now he was somewhere north, judging by the weather, and trying to follow a trail that was rapidly disappearing under snow and ice. The money he had brought wouldn’t help him if he never reached anyone.

But luck was with him. Just when it felt like he couldn’t keep walking, like his legs would just buckle under him, he saw a building, barely visible through the storm. He forced himself the last few steps, cursing every decision but the one that led him here. Even now, half frozen and half dead, the thought of his former life only haunted him rather than called to him. 

The door was opened before he had even knocked the first time, which gave him a softer landing at least then the hard door he had looked forward to fall onto.

He saw black hair and a beard and something that might have been surprise, if he had been able to stay awake long enough to look at it twice.

-

He awoke to warmth, softness, and the crackling of a nearby fire. He had made a few himself on the way, but none had ever been more than pitiful. Online instructions only got you so far.

Attempts to move only shot pain through his body, and Fili couldn’t keep the groan from slipping out. Felt like he was more dead than alive.

“Shh, careful. You were in pretty bad shape. I don’t think you’ll lose any toes, but it was a near thing. Best to take it easy for now. Would love to know what you were doing out here though, if you feel up to it.”

Fili didn’t. How to explain that he had run? That he had supposedly had everything but couldn’t stand it anymore. That he had to get away? Thorin had probably already reported him missing, ignoring the letter he had left. With a hefty reward too, no doubt. 

But the stranger didn’t push, only helped him drink the creamy hot chocolate and tucked him in again when his own arms didn’t cooperate.

That warm look, eyes filled with kindness, followed him into his dreams.

-

Kili was a ranger. He took care of the land, made his rounds, and generally tried to keep to himself. The world out there was too cruel for him, he said, while his hand idly traced the scar on his face, seemingly without thought.

Fili got it. He might not have the scars to show it, but life wasn’t always kind. As much as someone like Kili deserved kindness.

He hadn’t asked Fili again what he was doing here, and had only hesitated briefly, before shaking his head, when Fili had given him his own chosen name, so close to his. Fili awkwardly tried to explain that it was a nickname his mother had given him, but Kili just smiled and told him it was okay. So ‘Fili’ it was.

Kili took good care of him those first few days, expecting nothing, and looked mildly offended when Fili tried to offer him money for his help. So he started helping where he could instead. Household chores, chopping wood - after Kili showed him how to at least - and generally trying to be helpful.

Life was easy here, quiet. He found he didn’t want to leave. The easy camaraderie, the warm jokes, the way Kili got excited when talking about something he loved, the way he smiled like he meant it.

This was as far away from anything he had ever known, and he had nothing to offer but himself - and still Kili let him stay, asking for nothing.

And when he brought it up, weeks after his arrival and sick of the fear of outstaying his welcome, Kili just smiled, and told him he enjoyed his company. Told him he was welcome for as long as he wanted.

It felt like coming home.

-

Spring had reached even the far north when Fili found his friend sitting outside, deep in thought and playing with a milk carton. 

A milk carton with his face on it, and a lot of zero’s for anyone who found him.

For a moment, that old neon sign came to mind. Fili had found something he loved alright.

But Kili just put it away, patted the stairs beside him, and asked for his side of the story.

And Fili told him everything. What he was supposed to be, how he had suffered under the strain of impossible expectations. How he would rather die than go back.

And Kili listened. And at the end, when everything was said and done, he only looked thoughtfully between Fili and the picture.

“Well, the name's not yours, but it can’t hurt if you don’t look like it anymore too. Though I think the longer hair helps a bit already. Any further ideas?”

“Seriously?" Fili laughed, his joy bubbling over. "I could kiss you right now.”

“You're welcome to.”

Fili had found what he loved, and he gladly welcomed the death of what he had been to keep it.


End file.
